i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
