so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
