Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize