Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
