capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Alive.
So much puke
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
