That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
