Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
