dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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