i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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