Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
