Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
