she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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