the condom got lost in my hair
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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