I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
