My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
