first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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