i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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