May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Too much gin, very little bucket
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
