she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
