Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize