Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
