While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
