i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
