Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
