Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
