he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
