hell yes lets make some ravioli
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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