You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
