i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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