Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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