Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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