dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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