I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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