If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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