yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
