How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
