this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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