she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
