this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
