I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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