tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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