one might say we're banned from that church
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
