Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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