Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
