Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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