I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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