Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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