I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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