I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
