It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
