saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
