don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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