We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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