Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
