my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
