right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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