Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My dick has a subreddit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
