i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
