You're a womanizer and a bitch.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
