I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
