I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
God, I missed his penis.
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