My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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