So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
