i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
