I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
