do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
