after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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