You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
