Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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