Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
