I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
