When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think your dad took our porno
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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