I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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