ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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