I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
