how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
