my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
