I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
