Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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