I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
