Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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